I Tried to Kill Fat Bastard

Well, I didn’t TRY. On purpose. But I sure made an attempt. What I was trying to do was save him! He got too fat for his glass:

Fat Bastard Avocado in a little glass
Fat Bastard in a Little Glass

But he kept eating! So he literally was stuck in the glass. I couldn’t get him out! He fit fine in June, when he grew a root. Here he is on August 19th, 2013:

See how he’s squeezing into this dress?

It was like Winnie the Pooh getting stuck in the mouth of that cave. I heaved and pulled and asked nicely, but Fatty couldn’t budge. It took me a month and a week to work up the courage to crack the glass. Continue reading “I Tried to Kill Fat Bastard”

Meet Fat Bastard The Live Avocado

#meetfatbastard #hesingsbass #bigthickmf
#meetfatbastard #hesingsbass #bigthickmf

I’m excited for you to meet Fat Bastard. He’s the size of a small tennis ball. Which means he isn’t the size of a tennis ball… He’s the size of a golf ball- and a half. He’s the size of a large plum… He’s his own man and his own size and he doesn’t need to tell you or anyone else about it. He’s the big fella at the party who just sits in the corner and is quiet most of the time and after things get going, ends up being hilarious, but still quietly. And only if he feels like it.

He came from our CSA box. That is a Community Supported Agriculture box. If you already know what that is, please *skip ahead to find out about who Fat Bastard is dating and his hobbies. A Community Supported Agriculture box (try to say that five times fast) (you totally can) (I just have trouble with it) (but practicing just now helped more than I expected) is a box full of vegetables from a local farm. Continue reading “Meet Fat Bastard The Live Avocado”

Wilbur’s 83rd Day Birthday

You can click the first photo for a slideshow with a little story of Wilbur’s journey. Click only if you feel like it. No worries, either way.

Avocados are a virtue

I’m bringing the guacamole to the party… in 13 years!

This is the 100 year old avocado tree in our back yard. Beautiful.
This is the 100 year old avocado tree in our back yard. Beautiful.

I just found out that it takes 5-13+ years for an avocado tree grown from seed to bear fruit! Whoaholymybatmanthatsalongtimegoodness!

That made me realize that if we all understood how long it really takes for nature to move, for a tree to run it’s natural course, and we were the specific person that tended to that tree for all of those years, we would respect them in a totally different way. If I cared for a tree for 12 years and it got sick and died that year, the year before it fruited, I would be so attached to it at that point that I would weep.

Continue reading “Avocados are a virtue”

Have an avocado baby

What I’ve learned so far about starting avocados from seed: Stab with toothpicks, stick in water, & love. Just like it happens in nature… 


Avocado Baby 3.9.13

This is Wilbur. He’s my little bacon avocado. I’m excited that he’s inspired some friends to make their own avocado babies. And other friends across the country literally got their avocado seeds the same day I posted his first picture, with the intention to plant their own trees, before even seeing him! Avocados are great and they’re making our minds think alike! Creepy…

Thought I’d share what I’ve learned so far on how to grow your own avocado trees from seed. Continue reading “Have an avocado baby”

Why can I buy avocados?

So I’m hoarding avocados now. It’s really fun. I feel like I get all the beneficial feelings of being a crazy cat lady, without the pre-packaged judgement 🙂 But give it time, the world will soon have a new breed of stereotype: The Hoarding Avocado Woman.

This morning, while cleaning the kitchen, I looked at my pile of four avocado seeds sitting in a puddle of water on the back edge of the sink. I leave them there as a visual to-do list and because this is the best thing I’ve thought of so far to keep them alive until I can plant them. The water from washing dishes each day splashes on them and kinda forms a little life-nest beneath them, giving me the time to come up with another glass jar somehow.

Everything in the store in a glass jar has a new meaning to me. I want to crouch down and surprise-leap onto my prey in Trader Joes, and flailingly leave it’s contents strewn wherever just get to it’s magnificant glass hide and display it with pride along my window sill. Continue reading “Why can I buy avocados?”