Tag: fat bastard

I Tried to Kill Fat Bastard

Published on by thewholeruthLeave a comment

Well, I didn’t TRY. On purpose. But I sure made an attempt. What I was trying to do was save him! He got too fat for his glass:

Fat Bastard Avocado in a little glass
Fat Bastard in a Little Glass

But he kept eating! So he literally was stuck in the glass. I couldn’t get him out! He fit fine in June, when he grew a root. Here he is on August 19th, 2013:

See how he’s squeezing into this dress?

It was like Winnie the Pooh getting stuck in the mouth of that cave. I heaved and pulled and asked nicely, but Fatty couldn’t budge. It took me a month and a week to work up the courage to crack the glass. Continue reading “I Tried to Kill Fat Bastard” →

Meet Fat Bastard The Live Avocado

Published on by thewholeruthLeave a comment
#meetfatbastard #hesingsbass #bigthickmf
#meetfatbastard #hesingsbass #bigthickmf

I’m excited for you to meet Fat Bastard. He’s the size of a small tennis ball. Which means he isn’t the size of a tennis ball… He’s the size of a golf ball- and a half. He’s the size of a large plum… He’s his own man and his own size and he doesn’t need to tell you or anyone else about it. He’s the big fella at the party who just sits in the corner and is quiet most of the time and after things get going, ends up being hilarious, but still quietly. And only if he feels like it.

He came from our CSA box. That is a Community Supported Agriculture box. If you already know what that is, please *skip ahead to find out about who Fat Bastard is dating and his hobbies. A Community Supported Agriculture box (try to say that five times fast) (you totally can) (I just have trouble with it) (but practicing just now helped more than I expected) is a box full of vegetables from a local farm. Continue reading “Meet Fat Bastard The Live Avocado” →