I Tried to Kill Fat Bastard

Well, I didn’t TRY. On purpose. But I sure made an attempt. What I was trying to do was save him! He got too fat for his glass:

Fat Bastard Avocado in a little glass
Fat Bastard in a Little Glass

But he kept eating! So he literally was stuck in the glass. I couldn’t get him out! He fit fine in June, when he grew a root. Here he is on August 19th, 2013:

See how he’s squeezing into this dress?

It was like Winnie the Pooh getting stuck in the mouth of that cave. I heaved and pulled and asked nicely, but Fatty couldn’t budge. It took me a month and a week to work up the courage to crack the glass. Continue reading “I Tried to Kill Fat Bastard”

Why can I buy avocados?

So I’m hoarding avocados now. It’s really fun. I feel like I get all the beneficial feelings of being a crazy cat lady, without the pre-packaged judgement 🙂 But give it time, the world will soon have a new breed of stereotype: The Hoarding Avocado Woman.

This morning, while cleaning the kitchen, I looked at my pile of four avocado seeds sitting in a puddle of water on the back edge of the sink. I leave them there as a visual to-do list and because this is the best thing I’ve thought of so far to keep them alive until I can plant them. The water from washing dishes each day splashes on them and kinda forms a little life-nest beneath them, giving me the time to come up with another glass jar somehow.

Everything in the store in a glass jar has a new meaning to me. I want to crouch down and surprise-leap onto my prey in Trader Joes, and flailingly leave it’s contents strewn wherever just get to it’s magnificant glass hide and display it with pride along my window sill. Continue reading “Why can I buy avocados?”