- When you can only afford water at the bar, you can say you’re on “a cleanse.”
- When you can’t afford shampoo and your hair gets clumpy and wild, you can say you’re from Venice Beach.
- When you’re wearing the same clothes you wore decades ago because you could never buy new ones, you can say you’re being “retro”.
- When your hair is greasy, your clothes are dirty, and you’re too skinny from hunger, you can say you are a “hipster”.
- When you need work, the tranny hookers in your neighborhood are a reminder that there are always jobs out there.
- When you can’t afford a gyno and Google’s advice is fingering yourself with tea tree oil, you can say you “like holistic healing.”
- When becoming homeless feels like a possibility, you can take solace in knowing everyone has a car to live in.
- When you start selling marijuana to pay your bills, you’re not alone.
- When acne takes over your face from being in survival mode, you can say it’s because you’re going to be the lead in an acne infomercial.
- When you have to ride the bus, the other people on the bus are a bright reminder of how sane you are.
- When you are biking because you can’t afford gas, you save money on gas.
- When hitchhiking seems like a good idea, you can say you are into “innovative networking.”
- When you’re late from walking miles to get somewhere, you can blame it on traffic.
- When you arrive somewhere sweaty from walking, biking, chasing the bus or from anxiety during your hitchhike you can say you “just got back from Runyon Canyon.”
- When you can only eat rice and beans, you’re “gluten free.” And dairy free. And soy free. And meat free. And nut free!
- When you eat other people’s food left on the table at a restaurant, you can call yourself an “adventurous foodie”.
- When you get caught eating out of a trashcan, you can say you’re putting together your audition tape for Top Chef.
- When you’re starving, you can call it “fasting.”
- When you become too hungry to respond emotionally to life, you can say you’re really into this new “natural botox.”
- When you write about how poor you are on social media as a cry for help, you can say your manager told you to strengthen your online presence.
I want to thank all these people below. They gave me hand-me-down clothes at one point in the last 12 years and I’m still wearing them.
I’ve been thinking about how when someone gives you new clothes, you think to write a Thank You card. And if you are an asshole, like me, that is as far as you get. Other people follow the thought with the action.
It’s hard enough for me to write a Thank You card when I know I’m supposed to, but when people give used clothes, I think there is a national understanding that donating is kind and quick, maybe you’ll get a hug or a tax write-off, but never a Thank You card. Maybe because if you drop-off at the Good Will, you never know who is going to receive it, and the receiver doesn’t have an address with which to send a card, and the good deed goes by in a woosh. But even when you give clothes to a friend, there is joy, and gratitude, feelings of Yay! But never a Thank You card.
I might be wrong about that. I haven’t asked enough hand-me-downees about their card giving rates…
Anyway, you guys, my dear friends who have given me clothes, I don’t know if you know that I think of you all of the time when I get dressed (dirty) and that when you casually and generously gave me an item of clothing, it really helped me out!
(Also, you may not know you gave me clothing because you may have given it to a friend who gave it to me, or you may have put it in a bin on the sidewalk for homeless people and while needing the bin, I discovered the clothes and kept them as well… But that second scenario person knows I have her clothes because she is my neighbor and I told her about it. Because I knew that inevitably one day she would see me wearing a full outfit made entirely of her wardrobe and it’d be weird for both of us. If I didn’t prep her beforehand… “So don’t be weirded out,” I texted, “…or DO be weirded out, but don’t be surprised.” She’s cool with it.)
Today I felt like you should know the impact you’ve made so I’m writing you this virtual Thank You card and yelling a loud belly “THANK YOU” to you.