Thank you friends and family for helping Shane and I over the past few months. Thank you for helping us eat, pay our rent and bills and turn Shane’s phone back on. Thank you for sending anonymous cards and non-anonymous cards filled with love and hope and survival. Thank you for writing emails and Facebook messages to ease our frustration and make us not feel crazy or alone. I’m so happy to share that Things Are BETTER!!!
My Mama, who was living with us for two months to get through a manic spell, which became a depressive spell, went to live with her brother closer to San Diego a few weeks ago. We would have been happy to continue taking care of her until her depression lifted, but her knee randomly swelled up to the size of a grapefruit. In October, before she was staying with us, she tripped on her recliner and fell, landing with one knee on the floor and one knee on a mattress on the floor. She tended to the more injured one and it healed up great. The other one got some attention when she came to our place a few weeks later and then it seemed fine. But now she can barely put weight on it. So my loving and kind Uncle Danny and Aunty Linda are taking care of her in a more knee-friendly house. And they helped her find a knee specialist. And they are learning about and helping with her depression. Thank you guys for being truly amazing. And making things BETTER!!!
Mama is doing better too. She and I were talking about how it’s important to define what “better” means with her right now. The swelling in her knee has gone done about 85% and she’s waiting for her MRI authorization to go through. But she still can’t walk down a step without pain. And depression wise, after another dosage change that happened three weeks ago, her energy level is still very low, but her brain can think more. So she can watch an hour of TV instead of no TV at all. And she can participate in a conversation with more ease and mind clarity. She even said, in response to a positive story about Shane, “Please tell him I share his joy.” Like angel cake frosting in my ears! Yet at the same time, she said she still wouldn’t eat if someone didn’t make her eat because she has no appetite or motivation. But… she is doing BETTER!!!
Before Mom stayed with us, one of my best friends needed a place to stay and lived with us for two months, which sounds like a sleepover! And it is always fun to be around a bestie, but when we were barely able to take care of ourselves, it was also scary to be needed. He is doing BETTER now too! And having the house to ourselves is letting us focus on making life BETTER!
And Shane’s studio job finally started!!! The job had been pushed back for two and a half months, in a way that seemed like it was going to start every two weeks so he couldn’t look for an in-between job. But now he has a job and he loves it, which is BETTER!!!
I am getting $400 a month from the government to live off of while my foot heals. Which sounds crazy. For multiple reasons… Because I don’t want to live off of the government, but I have to pay it back, so that makes it better! And the amount sounds too impossibly small to live on, but it helps with bills and food and gives me some freedom to focus on my foot, which makes things BETTER!
And now I also finally have health insurance that I can afford, because it’s free! And I have a regular physician and a regular physical therapist for the first time in seven years. My doctor said, “You have a team now that will help you.” I am supported and my healing is reflecting that. I had my first physical in eight years and I’m healthy! He said, “Your foot will heal and you are healthy.” BETTER!!!
I’m also very grateful to have learned that I’m codependent and I’m working on taking care of myself first. It’s a new mindset that is very foreign and freeing and I feel much more peace inside. It’s also helping my physical healing. Each day I feel better and… BETTER!
Also, here is some vague good news: Shane met with “some people” that appreciate his writing like his current studio does, for being the boundary-less, imaginative, playful writing that it is! And his studio was so giddily supportive of him meeting with “these people,” that it is such a gift for him to being surrounded by confident friends who are encouraging him to grow, giving him freedom to grow, and giving him the experience to grow. BETTER.
We chose a path to be artists. We had heard the phrase “starving artist,” but we didn’t truly understand what we were signing up for. We wouldn’t be able to be true to our hearts without your help. And if we weren’t allowed to be true to our hearts, I don’t know how we would live. Thank you for giving us life rafts to reach ourselves. Love you guys. I hope knowing that your spirits are helping ours brightens your day a bit and makes you feel BETTER…