Tag: retro

1. When you can only afford water at the bar, you can say you’re on “a cleanse.”
2. When you can’t afford shampoo and your hair gets clumpy and wild, you can say you’re from Venice Beach. ‪
3. When you’re wearing the same clothes you wore decades ago because you could never buy new ones, you can say you’re being “retro”.
4. When your hair is greasy, your clothes are dirty, and you’re too skinny from hunger, you can say you are a “hipster”.
5. When you need work, the tranny hookers in your neighborhood are a reminder that there are always jobs out there.
6. When you can’t afford a gyno and Google’s advice is fingering yourself with tea tree oil, you can say you “like holistic healing.”
7. When becoming homeless feels like a possibility, you can take solace in knowing everyone has a car to live in.
8. When you start selling marijuana to pay your bills, you’re not alone.
9. When acne takes over your face from being in survival mode,  you can say it’s because you’re going to be the lead in an acne infomercial.
10. When you have to ride the bus, the other people on the bus are a bright reminder of how sane you are.
11. When you are biking because you can’t afford gas, you save money on gas.
12. When hitchhiking seems like a good idea, you can say you are into “innovative networking.”
13. When you’re late from walking miles to get somewhere, you can blame it on traffic.
14. When you arrive somewhere sweaty from walking, biking, chasing the bus or from anxiety during your hitchhike you can say you “just got back from  Runyon Canyon.”
15. When you can only eat rice and beans, you’re “gluten free.” And dairy free. And soy free. And meat free. And nut free!
16. When you eat other people’s food left on the table at a restaurant, you can call yourself an “adventurous foodie”.
17. When you get caught eating out of a trashcan, you can say you’re putting together your audition tape for Top Chef.
18. When you’re starving, you can call it “fasting.”
19. When you become too hungry to respond emotionally to life, you can say you’re really into this new “natural botox.”
20. When you write about how poor you are on social media as a cry for help, you can say your manager told you to strengthen your online presence.

Thank you to Christopher Schram and Shane Portman for their contributions.