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I’m a half-expert at living as a standup comedian, not the onstage part, but the part where you isolate and cry.

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There are times, especially when I am physically healing, when being creative makes me feel better, but it doesn’t make me get better.

Today I feel overwhelmingly grateful that my poop goes away when I flush. Isn’t life amazing? #blessed #thatshowbaditsmelled

Hookers must hate GPS. How are they going to become Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman if Richard Gere never stops to ask for directions?

Georgia is such a pretty name. Makes me want to name a kid South Carolina.

People attack what they don’t understand, that’s why there is female genital mutilation.

Roses are red, violets aren’t blue, and if they are, that’s dumb, they should be violet.

“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” -Maya Angelou

I like panic because I’m bad at prioritizing.

Guilt is not a form of currency.